


Why He Stays

by Corvidology



Category: The Alienist (TV)
Genre: Angst, First Time, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 05:30:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14254035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corvidology/pseuds/Corvidology
Summary: This story follows on immediately from my drabble sequence,I Always Come When You Call.When he'd imagined this, and he had imagined it a hundred times or more, they had already been naked and in bed.





	Why He Stays

When he'd imagined this, and he had imagined it a hundred times or more, they had already been naked and in bed. 

There'd been no delay at the top of the stairs while Laszlo pointed out which bedroom was his, no sudden paralysis on his part at the reality of it, of actually being invited into Laszlo's bedroom, and no uncertainty that he could peel him out of all his layers of clothing to reach bare skin before John came in his trousers like an inexperienced school boy. 

"And _now_ you hesitate?" Laszlo stood in the middle of his bedroom, as immaculate and untouchable as ever, finally snapped him out of it. 

He drove Laszlo backwards until he slammed into the wall, his fingers twisting into his hair to prevent Laszlo's escape while he plundered his mouth. Laszlo pushed back hard against him, not to throw him off but to remove any space between them, his arm winding tight across John's back to bring them impossibly closer. Chests heaving, the searing hot friction of fine wool and linen taut across their cocks meant they were both likely to come in their trousers. He was rapidly approaching oblivion when Laszlo bit him, startling him back into the present as he jerked his head back and licked at his bloodied lip. 

Laszlo's rare smile lit up his face. "Stay with me, John."

If Laszlo was still that coherent he was failing and failing badly. His only real hope was in keeping him off balance, leaving no room for reason to return and Laszlo to reject him once again as he surely would if in his right mind. He bent his head, intent on resuming his onslaught but a firm hand to his chest propelled him back towards the bed and he crumpled onto it as his knees met the frame. Laszlo climbed over him, still pristine except for his hair sticking out in all directions and his trousers pulled obscenely tight over his crotch. 'I did that' was his last smug thought before Laszlo began to worry at his bitten lip, rubbing down against him again. But this wasn't the 'again and again' he'd had in mind, too easy to dismiss as a combination of loneliness, frustration and alcohol though for once they were both sober. 

He turned them, bringing Laszlo under him and dragging him down towards the edge of the bed as he went to his knees, passion making his fingers clumsy as he worked at Laszlo's trouser buttons, the stretched cloth hindering his progress but making him even more determined to reach what lay beneath. 

They both sighed as the cloth finally parted and only linen barred his way, a damp spot forming where Laszlo's cockhead pushed against it. He ripped the linen, too impatient to do otherwise and sunk his mouth down too fast, gagging and spluttering. 

"Please don't hurt yourself, John."

He didn't want to hear it, particularly in such a reasonable tone, and closed his mouth tightly around the head, tonguing at the exposed slit as his hand dragging down the shaft pulled the foreskin even further back. Breathing through his nose, he worked his way down and back up again, dragging his teeth lightly along the shaft as Laszlo swore under his breath. He'd never be able to hear German again without getting hard. It was exquisite torture as he slowed to a pace that would never quite be enough for either one of them, hanging on the knife's edge of pleasure and pain. 

"Fuck, John." 

He'd never heard Laszlo growl before, wouldn't have imagined such a thing possible, but he couldn't wait to hear it again, pulling completely off Laszlo's cock to tongue lightly at his balls, teasing him. 

Laszlo grabbed his hand and brought it up to his mouth, sucking John's fingers, mimicking his prior actions, nibbling, biting and licking, an answering tease of future pleasures. 

He was only human. He took in as much as he could of Laszlo's cock, lips stretched wide as he swallowed around him, struggling for breath as Laszlo came down his throat, keeping him there though his eyes watered, sucking and licking him, rutting against the side of the bed until Laszlo pushed weakly at his shoulder, too overly sensitized to let him continue. 

He crawled up beside Laszlo on the bed, flopping on to his back, the only sound in the room their labored breathing. 

"Just... let me... get my breath... back, John."

He reached for Laszlo's hand, pulling it down over his damp crotch. Strangely it wasn't so bad after all, to have come like an inexperienced schoolboy. 

 

He lay there as their breathing returned to normal, then slowly stood up, turning to take in the view of Laszlo still mostly dressed, his spent cock laying against his leg his only exposed skin. It was a sight he'd never forget, so much better than anything he'd ever imagined. He adjusted his damp trousers as his cock twitched valiantly. He wanted to pretend the outside world didn't exist and stay in this room with Laszlo forever. "I should be going."

"If that is what you want." 

He wanted to leave with this memory intact before Laszlo could pull it all down around his ears with carelessly cruel words. He'd learned the hard way, from Julia, that loving someone wasn't enough if they didn't return your feelings and Laszlo had said nothing about love, barely spoken at all. "You know it's not what I want."

"Then stay." 

There was no heat in Laszlo's offer. He might just as well have been inviting him to the opera and he determined to sound just as calm and practical. "You know I can't spend the night here with you."

"Why not?"

"Don't be naive, Laszlo, it ill becomes you. If rumors started about me without proof it wouldn't make much difference, I'm already a well-known deviant, but unsubstantiated rumors about you would be all the opportunity those who despise your work would need to shut it down, even if they failed to put you in jail."

"I know that, John." And there was that rare smile again, the one he'd do anything to keep on Laszlo's face. "This house was built for a family and there is another bedroom just like this one on the other side of that door." Laszlo pointed at what he'd assumed was a closet. "Designed as married quarters for the traditional couple who would never think of openly sharing a bedroom. No one ever comes up— Cyrus and Stevie never come up here, you will wrinkle the sheets next door for the benefit of the housemaid and you can leave through that bedroom's door in the morning."

He climbed back onto the bed, kissing Laszlo again, intent on first wrinkling his sheets further and by much more interesting methods. Laszlo was pliable enough beneath him but there was no answering passion so he stopped, turning again on to his back. Laszlo has spoken only of a means to preserve their reputations after all, not as an invitation to develop their relationship further. How could he have been so stupid? He of all people should know one sexual encounter did not a relationship make. "I'll sleep in the other room."

"If you would be more comfortable." Laszlo sounded... disappointed. 

Was it more wishful thinking on his part? He saw Laszlo's maddeningly distant analytical expression, the one that that always made him want to kiss him or strike him, anything to provoke a genuine response. 

"I'm a simple man, Laszlo. Do you want me to stay with you or not?" 

"Of course I do, John. _I_ am not in the habit of casually taking lovers." 

He could hardly deny his debauchery, not when Laszlo knew better. But there was a glimmer of hope in his unkind words – Laszlo wasn't casual about sex. What did he have to lose? If Laszlo didn't return his feelings then this night was all he was going to have to warm himself by in the coming years. Why not be brave and take a risk? "There is nothing casual in how I feel about you, Laszlo. There never has been."

And there was that smile again.

He smiled back. "I never want to see that analytical look on your face in bed again unless you're calculating what to do to me next."

"Noted, John." The smile turned wicked, something else John had never thought he'd see. "I already have a few ideas."

He reached for Laszlo again. If he could get a woman out of an evening dress, a corset and multiple layers of underthings in less than twenty minutes surely he could at least unfasten Laszlo's shirt studs in the next hour or so. Laszlo's warm hand on top of his stopped his movements. Perhaps not. But when Laszlo's fingers intertwined with his he found he didn't mind. 

"You are right that we will have to be careful." Laszlo stroked his thumb across the back of John's hand. "You will have to continue to lead a gay life."

Did Laszlo think him faithless or simply had no intention of being faithful himself? He pulled his hand back, deeply hurt that Laszlo could be so cavalier. 

"What is the matter?"

"You can do as you will, I clearly have no claim on you, but I'm not going back to the brothels." 

"Of course you are not." Laszlo grasped his hand again, even tighter this time and brought it to rest over his heart. "Forgive me, John. My finer feelings and I are only recently reacquainted, having been alienated for years and I fear as a result I have not made myself clear. If I did not care deeply for you, we would not be sharing my bed. I will never willingly share you with anyone."

He head was spinning. Laszlo appeared to be finally saying everything he'd ever wanted to hear but he was still confused. "Then what exactly are you proposing?" 

"Nothing but a convenient smoke screen, my John. I meant you will have to squire some of your grandmother's matchmaking attempts to a few formal affairs. At least until you get old enough to be considered a confirmed bachelor." He kissed John's hand. "I hate that this is necessary now, but we are on the verge of the twentieth century, who knows what societal changes lay ahead? It may not be that long before we are able to live together openly."

He'd always considered Laszlo a hard headed realist but knew it was a fool's dream and would never happen. Society would never learn to accept them but as long as he had Laszlo's acceptance and love he didn't care.


End file.
